cheevan's thought

I just turned 30 yesterday. 

I once wished that I could get married and have the first kid before I turn 30---that shouldn't be too hard, right? My dad was able to pull that off. 

I guess I am just not that lucky; he met my mom in college. 

Speaking of college, sometimes I think my life peaked at the age of twenty. I got almost everything I wanted back then. Maybe except a girlfriend. 

十年前我知道自己要做什麼；
我要輔系英語系、我要吹臺北樂府。
我想拉樂團，所以我參加臺大交響。
我想要參與學生自治，所以我參選學生議員，也選上了。
我知道 DCI 二十一歲就 age out, 所以我大三一定要去美國當交換學生，去考 Phantom Regiment, 考不上還可以考 Colts. 
我也辦到了。 

要出國前她問我，「現在臺灣是SARS疫區，你會不會出不去啊？」
如果當時沒有出去，我可能：
會跟偷偷喜歡的女生告白。繼續拉臺大交響。在師大團契接核心同工。再申請音樂系輔系+英語系雙主修，或單單準時畢業。與同學合作，好好進行專題製作。 

扯遠了。

Avenue Q 裡 I wish I could go back to college 有段歌詞是這樣： 
You sit in the quad, and think, "Oh my God! I am totally gonna go far!" 
==

After college it went downhill. I didn't want to "waste" all the credits toward a teacher certificate, so I started the one-year internship as an English teacher. Than I realize I didn't want to be one. And my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I used to use my mom's illness as an excuse for not being brave and adventurous; "I need to take care of her!" I said. That excuse has been invalid ever since she passed away. 

==

一年多前遭對方怒甩其實有段時間很不好過，現在偶爾想起來也還是。我知道是我不甘在關係中居弱勢的佔有慾，使得我恣意在她面前展現最猙獰的一面。那是一個沒有人喜歡的錢啟方，那是一種回想起來會 kick yourself in the pants 的後悔。大部份的人看到我陽光（？）的一面，卻不知道我內心的驕傲苦毒、總被眼目情慾所勝。 

也正是在這種光景下，讓人不得不對救恩有更多的認識：神在你最不可愛的時候，先愛了你。 

==

去年在ITI, BP最如火如荼之際接到廖主任電話，邀請我去考衛理。我沒有去報名。心想，沒關係，就去找工作吧。 

沒料到主任後來直接跳過所有步驟給我offer, 如此看得起我，讓我甘心接聘。 

我相信是上帝帶我來的。 

我知道我是個把英文教地很無聊的老師；有的時候學生不捧場到很誇張的境界，會打從心底討厭這些硬頸、自以為是、態度極差的小屁孩。

但是感謝上帝，偶爾讓我看到孩子可愛的一面，心情還是調整得回來。
遇到同病相憐（！？）的新進同事，讓我知道不是自己一個人面對種種挑戰，就更有勇氣日復一日與小動物相處。人真的是要有夥伴啊。 

最近一年這些經歷讓我似乎更認識自己了些：我很固執，在關係裡不願屈居下風；很喜歡辦同學會，很喜歡與老朋友敘舊。 
I also disagree with certain things you do. I am against those things you're doing. 
But I still love you. 
It's like, my students hate my boring English class, but they still like me :p 

把「人」跟「人的行為」分開，有的時候不容易，但還是要努力！ 

謝謝你們的簡訊、留言、站內信、卡片、歌聲；收到的時候很開心。 

So what now? I honestly don't see myself doing my current job 25 years in a row, but I can't say I have a clear clue about other possible paths, either. What I can tell you is, I am going to try new things. I once described myself as an "outgoing, adventurous, fun-loving nice guy" in that video clip for auditioning Fun Taiwan Co-Host--- 

That Cheevan is still alive and willing to rock n' roll. 

當然啦，可能明天惰性就舊情復燃（！），年復一年抱怨小鬼卻又一直待在故宮隔壁。 

Happy belated birthday.

Ravi Zacharias 回答提問：一個人可能同時是同性戀、且是真基督徒嗎？



Question: Is it possible for a man or woman to live a sincere Christian life as a homosexual?

Ravi Zacharias: That’s a very tough one (question).

It’s one of those questions no matter how you answer, somebody is probably gonna take exception to what you say. 

Let me take a few minutes to answer this because it’s very critical. 

Let me start off by telling you a discussion I had with a reporter--

The reporter: “You people would talk against racism but discriminate against the homosexual; I see that double standard.” 

Ravi Zacharias: “I notice a very interesting way in which you phrase your question. 
The first part of the question you were phrasing it about an idea: racism. 
The second part of the question you’ve personalized it and put a person in there-- that you discriminate against homosexual. 
I think you should position the question univocally with equal meaning to both terms."

The reason we are against racism is because a person’s race is sacred. One’s ethnicity is sacred; you cannot violate it. 
My race is sacred, your race is sacred, I dare not violate it. 

The reason we react against the issue of homosexuality the way we do is because sexuality is sacred, too. You cannot violate it. 

How do you treat sacred one and de-sacredlized the other? 

Sex is a sacred gift of God. I can no longer justify an aberration of it in somebody else’s life then I can justify my proclivities to go beyond my marital boundaries. 

Every man here who is an able body man will tell you temptations stalks you everyday!
 
Does it have anything to do with your love for your spouse? Probably not. 
Because you can love your spouse with a 100% desire to love the person But the human body reacts to the sight, entertained by the imagination and gives you all kinds of false hints that the stolen waters are going to be sweat -- they are not. They will leave you emptier. 

The disposition or proclivity does not justify expressing that disposition and that proclivity. That goes across the board for all, all sexuality. 

When God created mankind and womankind--it was His plan, not our plan. It is extraordinary to me in what He said. He said, “It is not good for a man to live alone. ” 

Man wasn’t living alone. God was with him. Why did He say that? He created the mystique and the majesty and the charm and the complimentary nature of womankind in a way that made it possible for her to meet his emotional needs that God Himself put only within earth. 

Outside of Himself, from Himself, in her, in that complimentariness, so you take that sacred commitment. It is a design by God. 

[Giving the example of Henri Nouwen]

He was dispositionally a homosexual, but never fulfil that for the sake of Christ. 

To the one who has that disposition: Yes it has to be tough. But sometimes we renouce our dispositions for the sake of Christ, and just wait and hope and trust for the possibility that He will give us the resistance. 


What does it take to believe and do to be [what]? You have to fill in the blanks. 

If you say to me, “Ravi, what does it take to be a Christian?” 
I would say believe in the Lord Jesus Christ; that God is rised from the dead. You with your heart and my trust in Jesus Christ you are a believer. 

"Ravi, what does it take to, say, to come and belong to your church?” 
I’d say “well, if you join this particular church where I am a member now , there are certain doctrinal beliefs you have to believe. 

For example, you can’t believe the Bible is 90% rubbish and 10% nice and still be a member of that church: you can’t do that. There are certain doctrines that shall be committed, certain calls of conducts to be committed. So if you belongs to a community of believers, it is not just the belief in Christ but a certain community expression of that belief that you are submitted to."

Now you say, “what does it take to teach at _________(?) University?” 
I’d say, “Now you have to add even more than that.” 
With each line of affiliation you put the plus plus plus, not because the second and third make you a Christian, but it places upon you greater accountability and responsibility as a dispenser of truth to which you are held accountable by a community of believers. 

So: is it possible for one in that state of mind in that disposition to be a Christian? 
Absolutely. 

But can one be practicing that and then become a part of a teaching community /a community of believers? 

I think one would have to raise serious quesitons: where does one draw the line? 

Is it OK. for the pastor to be a polygamist and be a pastor of a church at the same time? 

(It ends up dying the death of a thousand qualifications on the character God has built in the process.--?) 這句我不確定

轉自ptt NTULCSA 看板

文長慎入！

Psalms 23:1
耶和華是我的牧者，我必不致缺乏。
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in